I want to have your abortion
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
