I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
