This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
