If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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