do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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