so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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