you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
