1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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