I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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