Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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