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Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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