Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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