she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize