I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
