I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
