True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my being single is dangerous.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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