Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
