Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
