The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
