why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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