Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
