he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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