Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
this boner is exhausting
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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