Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
