he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm getting married
To pizza
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
