i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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