come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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