I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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