How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
