Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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