so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
