My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
