I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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