if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
