is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
