I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He passed out mid-signature
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
