One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
