worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
