in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
A+ Viking dick
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