HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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