I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
