What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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