You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize