you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
