I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
