I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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