Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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