I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think your dad took our porno
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
