Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
