I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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