have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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