GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
