just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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