I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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