I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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