you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
