Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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