I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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