doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize