WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
