I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
