i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
