put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
