Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
